Recently i’ve been exploring my friendships and how they impact my life and personality. When i was younger making friends was easy i never tried but attracted all sorts of friends. As i grew older this carried on but my views changed, during secondary school i was very particular about the friends i chose because to be frank i was a snob i chose those who mad me look good or was on my level of social standing (i was popular) but this proved to be wrong as out of the friends i made in secondary i speak to about two of them and 1 i’ve known since i was 3 years old and the other is one of my best friends, they were the sort of friends who criticised for the sake of criticism and to make someone feel worse than them and due to my general bitch nature i fit in easy with them but unlike them i directed it outside of our friendship group. To make a long story short they were shit friends and i made a mature decision to break it off with all of them in lieu of a blow during 2012 summer. Sixth Form was different however i was wary about who i gave my friendship to because i learnt to value the gift of friendship and who i gave it to, so to many i had a lot of friends at sixth form but in actual fact i had maybe 1/2 actual friends and people who i chilled with during lunch thats how i saw sixth form currently i speak to 2 of them and 1 of them have become my 2 best friend. Uni is a experience i’m still battling through. With my completion of 1st year underway i’ve been questioning all my friendships due to a realisation that no matter what i do i always seem to be wrong, i try to be a good friend i don’t impose my views on anyone, i don’t impose myself on anyone and i go above and beyond for my friends. I don’t even claim to be an amazing friend but i try and as humans what else can we do but try and apologise when we make mistakes; but it seems like my apologies aren’t recognised or appreciated. I recently had a friend tell me they don’t respect me any longer over something that once explain doesn’t actually make sense but i’m working through that bullshit, but its had me thinking why do people react that way and why is it that i seem to have unlimited amounts of forgiveness for people but its not reciprocated, When i was younger i was instilled with the idea that forgiveness is important (not even in the religious sense) but as a general nice human being. Also i’ve been thinking about terminating a recent friendship of mine due to general tiredness of the crap i feel i put up with but when do you know for certain its the end cause before i never had to think hard about it due to a great grievance but this one is more subtle in terms of directly she’s never really done anything to me but with her mouth she’s created a few issues for me this year and in no way attempted to rectify anything she had done but being the idiot i was i let it go until a really good friend of my said i need to cut off the friendship asap and its had me thinking a lot and when i think a lot i get in my feelings which lasts a while and has me acting very Drake which i’m not able for which is why this post is longer than i normally do.
But to sum up this whole post :
What is friendship ?
And when do you decide that a friendship is over ?